Sundaes and Sundays

Ah, the classic mormonad about purifying our media and getting the "bugs" out of the deliciousness of the "worldly" side of our lives. Funny though, I was thinking this morning how this picture and phrase very much applies to exactly how I feel about the church and many things within the church.

 "Sure the church is great, except for.... well ALL of those  bugs!" 

Right now I currently feel that attending church is a similar experience. I feel as if attending church can be like eating a bowl of ice cream, sure! I'll be the first to admit that there can be some pretty good church experiences out there and even a good meaningful talk once in a while that gets deep. There are plenty of opportunities for service and selflessness, kindness and friendship, spirituality and deep thoughts... But then there's all of the bugs in that bowl of ice cream - Joseph Smith's many problems for one, the Book of Mormon's many problems, the Book of Abraham's many problems, the flawed youth & child's programs, all of the repetitiveness in the church to the point it becomes excessive and at times appears to be brainwashing. 

There comes a point when you just simply CAN'T eat the ice cream around the bugs due to the sheer number of bugs. We've all had a floaty or two in our drinks we ignored, or a sandwich we still ate at a picnic even though an ant or fly crawled on it, or a piece of candy that fell on the floor that happened to be the last one so we couldn't pass it up.... But when that sandwich becomes infested with cockroaches, there is not a chance I, or anyone with a sane mind, would eat it. The church, my friends, has become, and perhaps always was, infested with cockroaches.

Sure I want to raise my kids to be good, moral people who love their neighbors and appreciate the meaning of serving others and I suppose the church does raise children to be good, moral people who love their neighbors and appreciate the meaning of service to some extent, but I feel like I would be more effective at teaching my future children these principles on my own, without exposing them to the number of pests the church has to offer in it's "Sundae" experience.

Late nights and deep discussions

 My husband and I have had several additional conversations about the church, but they have so far been fruitless. I still bring up specific issues which he has expressed interest in looking up and understanding in the past but has not done so. When confronted he puts out the typical Mormon front of confidence that the church IS true and the spirit testified it so therefor any information that would suggest anything to the contrary is false. He still does not know exactly what I'm talking about when I say "Book of Abraham issues", "problems with the church covering up or changing it's own history to become more faith promoting", "historicity of the Book of Mormon", and "Joseph Smith's integrity issues regarding polygamy and general honest behavior". However, he has agreed to look more fully into the matters that trouble me most and is slowly realizing that he can't just ignore it and hope I change my mind.

 I admit that I have been somewhat trying to ignore it too at times, but mainly because I know he is busy and I am afraid about how he will react when he does find the information. I know he will be genuinely surprised or shocked by much of what he finds, and I expect him to treat it with much skepticism and just pretend like it's not a big deal and means nothing. He has a hard time putting himself in other people's shoes and seeing things from other perspectives and I know this won't magically change when he is looking at new information about the church. He will most likely put up the emotional and mental barriers to shelve the information at first. He doesn't like to be proven wrong (who does?) and so I know he will put up a fight in his mind until the dam breaks from holding so much evidence up there and he has to admit there are serious problems with the church. 

However, despite knowing he will resist the information at least at first, I am confident that he will be able to understand the issues more and in turn understand why I am having such a hard time with church in general. Going to church with him and just sitting there in lessons or meetings listening to false information being spread amongst the congregation is enough to make me cringe and get in a bad mood instead of inspire me to do good all day long. I sense he is confused when after a church meeting that I strongly disagree with I tend to get a little down as I think about how annoyed I am with the church and the lessons they endorse and the things they claim happen that didn't really happen... etc. It just gets my mind to flip through all of the information all over again and it's almost painful.

I told him I have been thinking that I should turn in my temple recommend since I no longer believe and can not and will not testify of the church, Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, current prophet, etc. To me it would be dishonest to even go to the temple right now seeing as I would have to lie to pass an interview. He believes that I should go to the temple to get back to the church, but that is not how it is supposed to work in the church's eyes so I don't see how that would help. I know that is typical though of the church mentality that you should just keep pretending and going through the motions until you feel good about it. 

I am at a point now where I long for the day that we can leave the church together and have a hard time with the fact that it is definitely a possibility that he will never wish to leave. I am anxious to see where things head for him. I have no idea what will happen and that sometimes scares me.

The One and Only

Mormons tend to believe know that their church is the "one and only" true church and is the only way to get back to Heavenly Father and for the rest of the 99.995% of the world to get there is through us valiant 0.0056% of the world that actually hold temple recommends (that is an estimation of about 1/3 of the church actually holding and using temple recommends). This is one of the biggest problems/hurdles of the church in my opinion. It is a pretty harsh statement and realization for even devout members to take in. I am fairly certain most do not actually feel this is 100% accurately true. I know I didn't as a TBM. Most of my TBM friends do not believe that mentality 100%. However it is still taught in lessons, emphasized in individual testimonies, and highlighted without chastisement in comments throughout meetings. They of course claim to it's (at the very least) possibility despite the ridiculousness of the numbers and proclaim that they know the church is true no matter what any facts or common sense tell the rest of us.

Yet, they still feel like there are miraculous exceptions to their own rules. Their "good" aunt or uncle so and so who were not members of the church even after having missionary lessons (temple work was completed of course asap after their passing, and duh they accepted it because they were good people in this life and once they died they saw the light) will make it because they are good. They still read books like "Odds are you are going to be exalted" in hopes that God really isn't as picky as the church and leaders teaches He is.  In essence, the rules seem to only apply in member's minds to the other people in the world who have rejected the gospel, not anyone they know personally. They use the same mentality of a teenager saying "I won't end up in an accident" on their own church beliefs.

The Mormon answer to the question "What about people who are not of your faith?" classically remains, "Those souls that reject the church in this life will have a chance to accept it in the next life, that is why there are temples! I love temples and I know the church is true!" This answer seems to raise more questions than it answers although the answers that arise from this popular classic line are more often than not ignored.

On top of being ignored, definitions are ambiguous and/or non-existent in explaining any of the details to these particular beliefs regarding what happens to "the other people". No one seems to know what a substantial enough "rejection" of the gospel really is. Or what constitutes a "chance" to hear it in "this life". And if someone does have a chance to hear the gospel, take discussions, read the Book of Mormon and comes to the "wrong" conclusions in this life, would that constitute their using up of that "chance"? Not anyone they (or you, or your friend) know personally would ever be classified as being "out" though, especially if that person in question confronts the Mormon about their beliefs. Most members would kindly deny any accusations though about assuming what they believe, even if it's right. Perhaps they believe there is no limit to second chances in the gospel. If that is the case, I would conclude then that there would be no need for a church on the Earth if we can all just be good people here and get another chance in the next life.

I remember being in 2nd or 3rd grade. I was in a predominantly non-lds area. I was on the playground minding my own business, doing my own thing when some kid says "You are a mormon right? Don't you believe the rest of us are not going to be in heaven because we are not Mormon?" How am I supposed to answer this as a child? I found it to be very upsetting although I'm sure I kept my inner struggles to myself as I was supposed to do. I responded with something about how we believe all churches have some truth, but that ours just has all of it, but I remember feeling horrible about it even at that age.

 I find it interesting to observe so many personal exclusions to rules Mormons claim to believe in/know to be true. "If they have not had a chance to accept the gospel in this life, they will get a chance in the next." But merely hearing about the church, being approached by missionaries, reading and rejecting the Book of Mormon because it does not comply with the Bible etc. is not enough in and of itself to be classified as a "chance" for many and I'm pretty sure temple work is still being done for those people.

Why is this that members can get around these things in their minds? I think it is just one more thing that is shelved, to be honest, with a sticky note on top saying "God will work it out". Not acknowledging the existence of this issue is what most members choose to do. If they voice concern, that would be evil and might lead them to, heaven forbid, fall away.

In reality, what most members fail to recognize is that all of the sharp edges in the church doctrine are still there and likely always will be, especially with their thinking that it doesn't matter. The sharp edges of the church are thoughtlessly wished away by the members themselves. They still exist and when you get right down to it and face the facts, those sharp edges will end up giving us a nasty paper cut in the brain one day. Sometimes it hurts, but it's the truth.